The Bone Artist
by Interest Me
Summary: I'm back my friends and readers. I hope you are all still here. This is a story I wrote with Elm377, check out her work . My favorite character/stoner/stalker extraordinaire has returned, Noel Lifton, to help Brennan and Booth solve this yoga case.
1. Chapter 1

The Bone Artist

Chapter One

ELM377 & Interest Me

The man sat on a bench as his dog loped about. He smiled. His dog's ears flapped like wings in flight. Buddy spotted a squirrel and went on the hunt. His melodious hound voice yelled up the tree as the squirrel looked down and laughed.

The man tucked his hands in his pockets and read the tombstones. The most recent death he found was in 1845, and he looked to see if he could spot a newer plot. Buddy's large paws crunched leaves as he frolicked.

His dog ran to a pile of leaves that had gathered in the hollow of an ancient tree. He buried his nose in them and howled. The man's attention snapped to Buddy, as the dog pawed at the leaves and exposed the hollow. Buddy ran to his master, and back to the tree.

The man followed his dog but didn't see what was upsetting him. He knelt, and looked into the hollow. Wind cut his ears and turned them red. The man found a pile of thin branches still clinging to leaves.

Buddy pawed at his owner, and nudged him with his nose. He worked his head under the man's arm and rested his chin his on owner's leg. The man rubbed his head.

"Okay Buddy. I'm looking. I don't see anything."

The man leaned into the tree and nudged the dead pile of wood. Something landed on the pile. Buddy whined. The man yelped and fell backward.

He jumped up, and tripped on his dog. Buddy shivered and pressed against him. The man stuck his head back into the tree's hollow. The pile of branches was a human skeleton that now cradled its own skull.

"The bones appear to have been set in this position after the flesh decomposed," Brennan said as she investigated the remains with a flashlight.

Booth scribbled in his notebook.

"How do you know they didn't just die in the tree?"

"Because this skeleton was wired together and posed. The head detached when the witness disturbed the remains, but otherwise this is an expert job."

"There is such a thing as an expert skeleton wirer?" Booth asked.

"This is a Caucasian female between 30 and 40. She hasn't given birth. She is wearing a wedding ring."

"What?"

"Whoever put her here must have slipped the ring on."

"How did this, whoever she is, become a pile of bones?"

"She appears to have decomposed naturally. Hodgins can check for particulates and insect activity."

"You know, that's something that just creeps me out. Insect activity. I mean, where does Hodgins get his data?"

"Body farms, of course."

"Body farms?"

"Yes. Research facilities that expose dead bodies to different environments, such as shallow graves, or under water, and study decomposition and record the data."

"Where do they get the bodies?"

"Mostly donation."

"Donation? Where do you find someone crazy enough to donate his body to a body farm? That's just…" Booth shook the chills from his back.

"I intend to donate my body to one in Texas. I already have the paperwork submitted."

"I brought this on myself. New subject. What do you mean the bones were posed?"

"She is sitting in a yoga position called lotus. You know, legs crossed. Like in meditation."

"Hey, this reminds me of that guy we found just before your dad's trial. Remember, Caroline wouldn't let you work on the case with me?"

Brennan laughed.

"The one you thought had been rolled up in a rug. Maybe there is a connection. We could question that killer."

"Yeah, well, no we can't."

"Why not?"

"Let's get these remains back to the Jeffersonian. Are you finished here?"

"I am. Why can't we ask the killer Booth?"

"Because, we didn't catch the killer."

"I told you, you wouldn't solve the case without me"

Booth turned his back and walked away before she finished speaking.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just a reminder. This story was a joint effort between ELM377 and me. You can check out her stories too.

The Bone Artist

Chapter Two

ELM377 & Interest Me

Colin Fischer contemplated the headless skeleton before him. Angela strolled onto the forensic platform, earrings jangling; clipboard in hand. She picked up the skull, tissue markers in situ.

"It's called the half lotus" said Angela nodding to the position of the skeleton.

Fischer turned brown, doe eyes and a blank stare towards her. He cocked his head to the side.

"Yes or the Padmasana – Padma from the ancient Sanskrit for lotus, referring of course to the position of the legs and their resemblance to the blooming lotus"

"Very good Mr. Fischer, you know your asanas" replied Angela.

"Oh yes. I have studied yoga for years, the goal to enlightenment by meditation in which there is no consciousness of self, is a Godly pursuit. Of course I am an atheist."

He directed his stare at Brennan as she strode onto the forensic platform. Booth trailed behind her

"I'm just saying Bones, how many men do you know who do yoga?" he muttered.

"I do yoga Agent Booth," piped Fischer.

Booth sighed.

"See Booth, Mr. Fischer is a man and he does yoga. You should consider taking a class, it would certainly help alleviate the stress on your back as your body becomes more flexible," said Brennan, turning her attention to the skeleton.

"Well real men like to lift weights and sweat," he announced, smoothing the end of his tie as he leaned against the rail.

"Stop it Booth, you're turning me on," said Angela.

"Alright let's get back to the case," he muttered.

The scientists, artist and FBI agent stared at the skeleton. It was sitting on the steel table with crossed legs, arms resting on the knees. Wires held it together like an anatomy class prop. The gold wedding band glinted on the finger like lost treasure amongst driftwood bleached in the sun.

Hodgins walked up behind them, interrupting the silent observation.

"Diagenesis is advanced; organic proteins have leached away leaving only mineral composites. It appears that the soil was quite acidic and added to the partial burial inside the tree, decomposition is almost complete. I found some insect activity – Tyroglyphid mites and dipteral larvae suggesting time of death occurred two to three months ago."

Booth turned to Brennan, "I wonder what the significance of the pose is?"

"Dr Sweets may be able to shed some light on it." Glancing at her watch she started walking toward her office,

"Come on its time for our session, we can ask him." She unbuttoned her lab coat.

"Bones, do you think Sweets does yoga?" asked Booth, following.

"Yes" she assented.

"Ha, see, I always knew he wasn't a real man."

"Oh to be a real man in this misogynistic, anarchistic and masochistic world. Its hard Agent Booth," said Fischer to Booth's retreating back.

Booth looked over his shoulder,

"Uh... yeah, hang in there buddy, you could be having therapy with a twelve year old psychiatrist."


	3. Chapter 3

The Bone Artist

Chapter Three

ELM377 & Interest Me

"What made you conclude that I did yoga, Dr. Brennan?" Sweets asked.

"It just seems like something someone in your profession would do."

"You mean psychology."

"Yes. Isn't yoga something that psychologists are always recommending?"

"There is some research supporting psychological benefits to using certain yoga techniques. I certainly encourage it for patients who feel it helps them to deal with stress and to gain clarity. However, I use different methods."

"Oh. What methods?"

"Dr. Brennan, this session is about you and agent Booth."

"I've been told by you, and others, that I shouldn't ask a personal question unless I'm willing to share something personal. You ask a lot of personal questions."

"In the context of therapy, yes I do ask personal questions. The situation you just described works in the context of personal relationships."

"Aw Sweets, are you saying Bones isn't your friend? Who was there when your fish girlfriend left you? Come on, just tell us what you do to relieve stress and stay healthy."

"Fine, I lift weights and run. Sometimes, I ride my bike instead of run. Whatever builds up a sweat."

"So Booth, does this disprove your theory on real men?"

"What theory is that Agent Booth?"

"Booth says that real men lift weights and sweat, but that was when we assumed you did yoga."

"I'm a real man, Agent Booth."

"Yes you are Sweets, and now we know that for sure. Bones thinks yoga is something I should try, but I'm with you. Real men lift weights and sweat."

"I never said that Agent Booth. This is a good example of how you manipulate people."

"Okay, look, whatever. We found a skeleton posed in a yoga position named the half locust.

"Half lotus Booth, L O T U S."

"Right, what she said, and we think you are the guy that could tell us the significance of that."

"Again, with the manipulation."

"What do you mean Sweets, I was complimenting you."

"You were flattering me. Flattery is a common form of manipulation."

"Did it work?"

"Well, that position suggests meditation, perhaps it means enlightenment, or some connection to Nirvana."

"I find their music a bit dark, but I don't think they have anything to do with the case."

"Who's music do you find dark Booth?" asked Brennan.

"Nirvana. You know, anti-social, desperate lyrics. Still, you just have to admire the genius behind it all."

"Booth, Dr. Sweets isn't referring to a musical act. Nirvana is the state of bliss that Buddhists try to attain through meditation, suffering, enlightenment, a denial of physical temptation."

"Oh, that Nirvana. Well, I guess that makes the band name ironic."

"Dr. Brennan, Agent Booth, was there anything else unusual?"

"Yes, whoever posed her, put a wedding ring on her finger," Booth said.

"Interesting. Perhaps someone who felt a type of ownership, or right to control the victim. An abusive husband, a spurned lover. This could be his final statement to the world that the person belonged to him."

"Another body we found, around the time of Max's trial, was posed in the yoga bow position. We haven't found a connection between the two yet, but this one is male," Brennan said.

"Possibly a punishment. This could be a bastardization of Buddhist beliefs. Like when Christians burned heretics at the stake to cleanse their souls and send them to Heaven. This killer may believe he is sending his victims to Nirvana."

"Thanks for the insights Sweets. Just so we're clear, could you tell Dr. Brennan that yoga is not a good recommendation for me."

"I'm sure you could benefit from yoga, Agent Booth, especially with your back problems."

"You know Sweets, just when I start to respect you with the weight lifting and the sweating; you go and throw me to the wolf. Anyway, Bones, I thought you were an atheist. Why do you want to send me off to worship Buddha?"

"Buddha is not a god, Booth. He isn't worshipped. Buddhism is a non-theistic religion. One can believe in one God, many gods, or no god, and still be a Buddhist."

"Well, I'm Catholic. I believe I have mentioned that."

"Agent Booth, you can participate in the exercises without participating in the religion."

"Sweets, you're grounded."

"Wha…"

"Not another word out of you young man."

Booth left the office, and didn't look back.

"So Dr. Sweets, can you tell me more about Booth's ability to manipulate people? Is he like a used car salesman?"

"Not exactly Dr. Brennan. Our time is up."


	4. Chapter 4

The Bone Artist

Chapter Four

ELM377 & Interest Me

Booth stretched long legs on Brennan's office sofa; his purple stripy socks dangled over the edge. He sipped coffee and skimmed his case report. Brennan sat at her desk, watching him.

"Come to a yoga class with me tonight Booth."

"No way Jose."

"I'm not Jose, I'm Bones."

"Funny Bones, that was funny."

"Why not?" she needled, leaning back in her chair with a pout.

"Because I don't want to stand around some female dominated class doing stupid stretches."

Brennan walked around her desk and leaned on the edge.

"You know my suppleness increased at least 50 percent from taking regular classes."

Booth sighed. He did not need to be thinking about how supple she was.

"Really interesting, Bones. Can you touch your toes?"

"Of course I can." She immediately bent over to demonstrate, laying her palms flat on the floor.

Booth stared. Angela walked in. "Sweetie, what are you doing?"

Brennan straightened with the grace of a dancer. Her hair swirled around her shoulders and her cheeks flushed.

"I'm showing Booth how supple I am."

Angela glanced in his direction "Supple? Seeley Booth." she laughed.

"Do you have an I.D. for us Angela?" Booth walked towards her.

"Yes. Melinda Jameson. 32. A yoga instructor. She was reported missing three months ago."

She handed the details to Booth and exited the room, asking over her shoulder, "How supple are you Booth?"

The magnifier blew Fischer's eye up to cartoon size.

"Each breath we take is one less we will take as we herd together on this death march called life. One expects a crater, a decimated forest, something tragic to announce that final breath to the universe. We barely get a puff of smoke."

Hodgins turned from his microscope.

"Hey man, did you find something?"

"Yes, Dr. Hodgins, I found a puff of smoke."

Hodgins looked into the magnifier.

"Look for a nick on the pedicle over the fourth vertebrae."

"I see it."

"A whisper left by the sharp instrument used to bilaterally dissect her carotid artery."

"She would have bled out in minutes. Fischer, Dude, you found cause of death."

"Mine is not a luxury to celebrate a job done well, but a duty to mourn it."

"I'm going to swab this for particulates. My findings can help us identify the weapon."

"Living is death's weapon."

"You should spend some time with my bugs man. They're happy and good company."

"Of course they are. They live in blissful ignorance."

Swish, beep, beep, beep, alerted them as Angela and Cam ascended the platform.

"Dr. Hodgins, Mr. Fischer, can I get an update?" Cam asked.

"Yes, Fischer discovered cause of death."

"Yet, it changes nothing for the victim."

"Okay, I see the Prozac that I sprinkled into the ventilation system is not working. Mr. Fischer, what is the cause of death?"

"She bled out from a cut to the carotid artery. The weapon left a mark on the vertebrae."

Fischer walked to the magnifier and showed Cam his find.

"Very good Mr. Fischer."

"What's the point?"

"Justice Mr. Fischer. The point is justice. Your work may prevent another violent death."

"That's true." Fischer said. He felt his cheeks and lips lift in an unfamiliar fashion.

"Don't hurt yourself Mr. Fischer. One step at a time." Cam said.

"Yeah, keep practicing dude, and soon smiling will barely hurt at all."

"I think you have a nice smile," Angela said.

"You are so sweet," Hodgins said.

Angela and Cam looked at him.

"I mean, well, it was sweet. No need to read anything into it. By the way, I found hemp oil residue on the wedding ring."

"Well, that's a clue Dr. Hodgins. Any idea if it belonged to the victim or the murderer?" Cam asked.

"I can't say for sure, but most likely it belonged to the victim. The ring was almost wiped clean. I found a small amount of oil on the inside of the ring. If the victim wore the ring when she was alive, she probably used a hemp product on her hands."

Cam wrote on her clipboard.

"Okay. Anything else?"

"I've I.D.'d the male victim. His name is Lester Lehmen."

Swish, Beep, Beep, Beep. The group looked up.

"So Angela, did you I.D. the other victim?" Brennan asked.

"Yes, Lester Lehmen. I found his Facebook page, and he is also a yoga instructor. He taught classes at The Center for Centeredness. Same as Melinda Jameson."

"Well Booth. It looks like you're going to attend a yoga class after all." Brennan said.

Booth stared at her blankly. Cam raised her eyebrows and smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

The Bone Artist

Chapter Five

ELM377 & Interest Me

Booth stopped Brennan with a hand on her arm in the middle of the corridor.

"I'm just saying that I am not going to enjoy this Bones."

"Just give it a try Booth, it will be worth it," she smiled at him.

A man walked toward them.

"Excuse me do you know where the –,"asked Brennan.

"Third door on the left," he winked as he passed.

The partners looked at each other.

"Wow apparently yoga makes you psychic," said Booth.

They entered a sky blue room decorated with large yellow throw cushions. Three couples relaxed on the floor. Booth muttered under his breath. Brennan shrugged off her coat revealing grey leggings and a tight blue vest. She scraped her hair into a ponytail and sat down, motioning for Booth to join her. He trailed despondently across the room and sat next to her.

He rested his eyes on her. He appreciated how her legs looked in the tights, and how blue her eyes were tonight. He glanced down at his shorts and t-shirt. Good, male gym clothes. For sweating in.

"Why are you making me do this?" asked Booth.

Brennan's reply was cut off by the entrance of a stunning woman in her fifties. Luxurious white hair framed a tan face and mesmerizing grey eyes. She walked with a confident poise and silence descended over the room.

"Welcome, my name is Eve," her melodious voice was hypnotizing.

"I would like to start today's lesson with some relaxation exercises. Sit cross legged, hands on your knees and close your eyes. Picture a comforting image in your head, it can be anything as long as it brings you comfort. Now inhale as deeply as you can," directed Eve.

There was a collective intake of breath from the class. Booth breathed in thinking there was no way this would relax him.

"And exhale; push all the air out of your lungs"

Booth glanced at Brennan. Her lips were apart, a serene expression on her face. That was a comforting image. He pictured her and inhaled once more. No it wasn't really working; he still had tension in his neck. Oh to be on the ice right now, hockey stick in hand, elbow in the opposition's gut. He smiled. Much more relaxing.

"Once more, inhale, the purpose of this breathing is to create a comforting and relaxing atmosphere, to open up your world to a whole new realm of possibilities"

Booth inhaled. He pictured himself scoring a goal against Luc Robataille. He sighed happily. This was a wonderful realm, scoring against the best hockey player in the universe.

"That's good, exhale. Now, the word Tantra refers to manifest,... inhale,... to weave, ...exhale,"

This was actually relaxing thought Booth, picturing himself skating down the ice.

"Inhale,... to expand consciousness,... exhale, ...to bond together the opposites of male represented by Shiva, the Hindu God and female – Shakti, the Hindu goddess into a harmonious whole; a united being." Eve fixed her silvery different couples as she spoke.

What was she talking about, bonding male and female Hindu Gods? Must be some yoga talk. He laughed in his head as the word Yoga conjured up Yoda, and he imagined the teacher's voice sounding like the little green creature.

"Tantric sex will help you encompass this experience as you unite, sexually and spiritually with your partner."

What did Yoda say? Something about sex with your partner. He opened his eyes. No he must have misheard, nobody else seemed surprised.

"I would like you to take hold of your partner's hands in your own and sit facing each other," said Eve.

"Ok close your eyes, and lean towards each other. Now inhale deeply once more."

Oh God, what's going on? He steeled himself, but felt Brennan move towards him. Her fingers tightened in his own. Her fragrance floated between them. He felt her soft exhalation on his cheek. Suddenly this didn't seem so bad, and again he found himself relaxing, leaning towards her.

"In our class today we are going to focus on our body, on physical freedom and we will discuss specific techniques to prolong and intensify your lovemaking," said Eve, weaving through the couples on the floor.

"What?" Booth opened his eyes in shock. Yes she definitely said sex and lovemaking.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Is something the matter?" the teacher asked Booth.

Feeling all eyes on him, his cheeks burned, "Uh no, but can you tell me exactly what kind of yoga class is this?"

The teacher smiled enigmatically "This isn't yoga my dear, it's a tantric sex workshop. Now if I can ask you to embrace your partner and place your hands on her –"

Booth hastily stood up, "We're not those kinds of partners. Bones get up," he held his hand out to pull her up.

"Booth this looked really interesting."

"Bones I am not participating in a tantric you know, class with you."

"It is perfectly ok to feel reticent or shy at first," the teacher moved across to Booth and placed her hands either side of his waist.

He removed her hands and begged, "Please just tell me where the yoga class is being held?"

She stared at him for a moment, "Next door."

Booth grabbed Brennan by the hand and pulled her towards the door.

"Booth – stop manhandling me."

Booth passed a solitary figure sitting crossed legged by the door, eyes closed, "Hey look who it is; Noel Mung Beans, hey buddy, how about you join us," he grasped the man's shoulder and hauled him out the door.

Booth pushed Brennan against the wall and leaned in, "That was not funny. You knew what was going on didn't you?"

"Well I admit, when she said the word tantra, I did wonder whether we were in the wrong class."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"I thought you might be interested in investigating how to extend your orgas-," Booth placed his hand over her mouth and looked around.

"Bones, don't say that word. My sexual, whatever, is just fine, thank you."

He removed his hands. She licked her lips. His eyes flicked towards them as he realized he still had her pinned against the wall.

"Ah Namaste guys," said Noel watching the exchange with interest, "Fancy seeing you here. What's up?"

"What are you doing here?" asked Booth.

"Tantric sex man, it's a Godly pursuit. I snuck in on my way to the vending machines," Noel motioned to a trolley filled with hemp products outside the door.

"What are those?" asked Brennan.

Noel let his eyes travel over her body "You look good in blue," he said nodding his head.

Booth snapped his fingers in front of Noel's eyes, "Dude, a little respect."

"What, it's a compliment man. She's hot."

"Stop ogling her, just stop."

"Booth I can defend myself."

"I know Bones; I'm just trying to show a little respect myself."

"Well there is no need. We're not in medieval times. You don't need to defend my honor. Besides he only said I looked good in blue."

"You are tightly wound my friend. You should consider taking a yoga class dude, let your chakras travel the spiritual path of enlightenment and your body follow on that wondrous journey."

"Exactly - that's what I have been telling him. You know you are a little agitated Booth."

"Agitated? You just made me sit through a tantric sex workshop Bones. What would have happened if it had continued? God only knows."

"God may know, but the answer lies deep within you Agent Booth. Hey you should catch the next yoga class. It's about to start. That room there."

"Come on Booth," Brennan tugged him along.

"This conversation is not over man."

"Yeah, yeah, say, if you need any observation doing again, I could use some spare cash."

"What, you need more mung beans?"

"No its acai this week, cleansing my…"

"I do not want to know," shouted Booth as Brennan pulled him into the yoga class.


	6. Chapter 6

The Bone Artist

Chapter Six

ELM377 & Interest Me

Booth watched the women jump up at the end of the class and head for the door. He maneuvered himself to his hands and knees and crawled toward the wall.

"I'm sorry Booth. I didn't know it was an advanced class. You shouldn't have pushed yourself."

"Please stop talking."

Booth reached the wall, and his hands crawled upward pulling his body with them.

"Let me help you."

"Don't touch me."

Booth stood as straight as his back would allow, pressed his hand to his lower back, and waddled out of the room.

"Do you want me to adjust y…"

Booth held up a hand to silence Brennan.

Noel met them at the door.

"My friends, how was the session."

Booth put a hand on each of Noel's shoulders to support himself.

"Hey, I know a chiropractor that could help you."

"No, I need…"

"Acupuncture?"

"No,"

"Reflexology?"

"No,"

"Homeopathy?"

"Vi-co-din."

"Why didn't you say so?" Noel pulled 2 pills from his pocket and handed them to Booth.

"Booth, is that legal?"

Booth looked Brennan in the eye and slapped the pills into his mouth.

"I'll drive. Where are your keys?"

Booth looked at the pocket of his shorts.

"Okay," Brennan reached in and pulled them out.

"I'll bring the truck around."

Noel helped Booth to the exit where Brennan waited. Booth crawled into the back seat.

"I can come along and help you get him inside," Noel offered.

Brennan looked back at Booth. Booth couldn't shake his head, but his eyes said, NO.

"That would be helpful Noel."

Booth saw the passenger seat shake as Noel jumped in.

"How are you feeling? Do you think you might need some Percocet?"

Booth closed his eyes and inhaled and exhaled, and inhaled and exhaled, and imagined a relaxing place where he could shoot all the annoying people.

The next Booth was aware; Noel and Brennan were helping him out of the vehicle.

"You guys are great," Booth slurred, "I would go into combat with either of you. You watch my back."

They walked him toward his door.

"Noel, you're good people."

"Noel can you steady him while I unlock the door?"

"Of course he can steady me. He's a rock! He's my rock."

"You got it man."

Booth leaned on his best friends as they helped him to his couch.

"This couch is happy making," Booth slurred.

"Booth. Booth, can you wake up. I'm worried about you."

"You don't need to worry about me."

Booth entwined his fingers in her hair.

"Your hair is so soft. It smells so warm and sweet. You smell like a bakery on a wintery morning."

Booth pressed clumps of her hair against his face and inhaled.

"Booth, that's not me. Noel made brownies."

"Wait, Noel?"

"That's right man. I used a tried and true recipe I picked up in a commune in a commune in Wisconsin."

Booth pointed his finger in Brennan's face.

"Bones don't eat the brownies."

"Booth, go back to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

"Promise me first. Don't eat the brownies."

"Booth…"

Booth floated on a cloud of dreams until morning.


	7. Chapter 7

The Bone Artist

Chapter Seven

ELM377 & Interest Me

The smell of bacon and eggs awoke Booth. He opened his eyes to find himself on the couch with the living room ceiling staring at him. He sat up and wiped a hand over his face.

"Booth are you awake?" called Brennan from the kitchen.

"Bones?"

She walked out of the kitchen in one of his white shirts, tousled hair and long bare legs.

"Uh, Bones, why are you here?"

"I stayed with you last night, don't you remember?"

He peeked underneath his blanket.

"No, did we uh... did anything uh?"

"How do you like your eggs man?" called Noel from the kitchen.

"Noel? Why is Noel here? Oh God, did he sleep here, did you and he uh...?"

"I don't know what you are trying to say."

"Bones, what the Hell is going on?" Booth stood up and the blanket slipped off revealing his boxer shorts. He quickly snatched the blanket around his waist.

"Noel gave you Vicodin last night after the yoga session, helped me get you on the sofa, and you fell asleep there. I slept in your bed because I didn't think you should be alone, and Noel let himself in this morning. That fake rock is a stupid hiding place for your key, Booth. You may need to change your lock."

Booth sighed and walked through to the kitchen.

"Hey man, nice socks. How's that Vicodin hangover? I've got some little purple pills that may help with that."

"Noel I am an FBI special agent, and you are offering me drugs?"

"Booth, I think you're sending mixed messages. You were demanding drugs last night anyway - Herbal man, herbal. Sit down. I made you breakfast"

I'm dreaming. Any minute now, the alarm will go off, and I will wake up. In my bed. Alone.

Booth pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down. Brennan sat next to him.

"This looks good Noel" said Brennan.

"Yeah, I like to cook, you know, get creative with ingredients- make up dishes"

Booth poured himself some coffee.

"Oh God, the brownies - did you eat the brownies Bones?'

"Yes."

"And did you have funny dreams? Hallucinate talking smurfs, anything like that?"

"No. But you may have. Judging by the amount of talking you were doing in your sleep. You kept saying something about silky hair and soft skin over the bones."

"You know dreams are our sub-conscious desires pushing our bodies into a spiritual journey," said Noel.

"No they are not. Dreams mean you're sleeping."

"Whatever man, eat your pancakes."

Booth glanced at Brennan's bare legs as they brushed against his.

"Bones, why don't you go and get dressed."

"Hey, don't dress on my account Bones." Noel swept his gaze from head to toes.

"Don't call her Bones."

"Why not that's what you call her?"

"Bones go get dressed."

"Alright, alright I'm going."

"Mung bean boy - behave yourself. She's my partner."

"Yeah I'm hearing you dude. So how are you feeling this morning? Enlightened?"

"Not particularly. Yesterday was a complete waste of time. We have no suspects and I have a bad back and you in my kitchen."

"Suspects for what?"

"We found a young woman murdered. She was a yoga teacher."

"Seriously man? Wow. Who was she?"

"Melinda Jameson ever heard of her?"

"Oh no, not Melinda. She was the best. I really liked her. She was helping me produce my hemp products. I assume you have questioned her husband"

"What's his name?"

"Martin? No, Michael? That's not it. Wait. Got it. Robert. Robert Jameson."

"Where would I find this guy?'

"Yoga retreat, up in the black forest."

"Great."

Brennan re-entered the kitchen. Noel fixed his eyes on her blouse. "You look good in grey."

"Hey,eyes off her. I tell you what. How about you do a little surveillance?"

"Depends, is there a financial incentive for this surveillance and will the person I'll be surveilling be female?"


	8. Chapter 8

The Bone Artist

Chapter Eight

ELM377 & Interest Me

"Mr. Jameson, we are sorry, about your wife." Booth said.

Sweets swept the man's appearance, looking for clues. The man's greasy hair was held back in a pony tail. His unkempt beard lay atop a beaded necklace. His dye-free organic cotton clothes resembled pajamas. He wore no shoes.

"I knew she was dead."

"How did you know that, Mr. Jameson?"

"Melinda would never leave me. Our spirits were united. We were one."

"In that case," Brennan interjected, "I suppose you are now half dead."

"Her spirit would have disengaged from mine. Our paths parted. Now we must each continue our journeys without the other."

Booth laid his finger on his ear.

"Booth, you need to shake this guy up. He's overconfident, and considers himself superior to you," Sweets said.

"We have reason to believe that Melinda was having an affair."

Jameson laughed. "Melinda. Never. Our bond was unbreakable."

"Except by death," Brennan reminded him.

"Yes, Doctor, except by death."

"So, then, if she did have an affair, do you think that would have led to her death?" Booth asked.

"She would have condemned herself. If she broke the bond before our spirits could disentangle, she in essence, would have severed a main artery."

"Booth, he just confessed. Melinda bled out from a severed artery. It's not admissible in court, but the suspect is seriously deluded. Try pushing harder," Sweets said.

"Yeah, this guy is a real whack job. Melinda was sleeping with Jonah. Everyone knew that."

Sweets stared at Noel. He tapped the speaker button and called Booth into the observation room.

"Noel, why didn't you mention Jonah when we talked at breakfast?" Booth asked.

"I didn't think of it. You know, I was in creative mode, working out the pancakes."

"Wait, Agent Booth, Noel made you breakfast?"

"Sure I did. I love to cook. I made him and the hot doctor eggs and pancakes."

"What did I tell you about respect?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry man. Bones."

"Don't call her Bones."

"Why was Noel at your place this morning?"

"He broke in."

"I was checking on him. And for the record, I didn't break, I had a key."

"You gave him a key?"

"Yeah." Noel said.

"No! He found one."

Noel reached in his pocket and pulled out the key. Booth snatched it.

"That's okay man, I have an extra."

"Agent Booth," Sweets said.

"One thing at a time Sweets. Let me take care of this interrogation then we'll take care of the stalker."

"Whoa man. You're confusing good friend with stalker. That happens to me a lot. I think I got some bad Karma from a past life."

Booth entered the interrogation room and straightened his tie.

"Sorry for the interruption Mr. Jameson."

"That's okay Booth. Mr. Jameson was just trying to explain to me how Melinda would be able to sever her main artery without hurting him, if they were still entangled."

"Dr. Brennan, the Universe has a sense of justice."

"So, if Melinda had an affair, the Universe would have cauterized your artery and allowed Melinda to bleed out?"

"Metaphorically speaking, yes."

"Dr. Brennan doesn't speak metaphorically, Mr. Jameson. She is very much grounded in science and fact."

"So is that what happened? Did Melinda bleed out?" Brennan asked.

"As I said, Dr. Brennan, Melinda didn't have an affair. No arteries were severed."

"Tell me about Jonah, Mr. Jameson," Booth said.

Jameson leaned back in his chair. He stroked his beard. He dislodged a morsel from it, and pushed it around the table with a finger.

"There is nothing to tell. I haven't seen him in over a year."

"Yeah, no one has seen him. It's like he just disappeared," Noel told Sweets.

"That would have been useful information for Agent Booth, Noel," Sweets pressed the speaker button and relayed the information to Booth.

Noel nodded, "Good to know Sweets. Sometimes things I find important don't mean much to anyone else. And vice versa."

"I'm sure that's true. Please call me Dr. Sweets, or Lance if you prefer."

"But I really like Sweets-it's like a tribute to my cravings. Unless I'm craving something salty. Of course, lots of times, I really want something salty and sweet. Then I dip pretzels in honey. That's why there are always crumbs in my honey jar."

"Mr. Jameson, Jonah went missing over a year ago," Booth said.

"Missing? I thought he just finally took a hint."

"A hint?"

"Yeah, he wouldn't leave Melinda alone. You know, she was working for the Karma and all, and was nice to him, but he took it wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Sure, he thought her interest was romantic, which I already explained, Melinda loved only me."

"Right, because of the artery theory," Brennan said, "I'm curious Mr. Jameson, what would have happened to Jonah's arteries if Melinda had reciprocated his feelings?"

"As I said, Dr. Brennan, the Universe has a sense of justice."

"So, he would have bled out?"

"Possibly. Or a tree could have crushed him. A river could have swallowed him."

"Wow, the Universe certainly has a lot of tools of justice at its disposal," Booth said. "Unlike we humans. We usually only have a 10 by 10 room, for life."

"One cannot imprison the spirit, Agent Booth."

"Yeah, there is always the option to drip a judicial cocktail into a murderer's vein."

"And the spirit would fly free."

"You studied to be a chiropractor. Why did you never practice?" Booth asked.

"What does that have to do with this?"

"I ask the questions."

"Very well, Agent Booth. I won't participate in your power struggle. It's a sign of weakness. I studied to be a chiropractor, but my calling changed. I became a yoga master. This brings me to my true concern. Can I return to the retreat? I am the leader."

"Okay, for now, we will return Master Yoda to the Jedi academy."

"Booth, he's a yoga master."

"I know Bones."

"He isn't even that good an instructor. Everyone preferred Jonah, or Melinda's classes. Guy's weird."

"You say he's weird?" Sweets said.

"Yeah."

"That's comforting. So, how do you know Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth?"

"Oh, I do surveillance for them."

Brennan and Booth entered the room.

"Noel, I need you to keep a secret eye on that guy," Booth said.

"No way-He gives me the creeps, and he's not my type."

Booth groaned and pressed his back.

"Hey, you need something for that?"

"No, Noel. I'll take some ibuprofen. We need you Noel. We need you to help us catch a killer."

"Hey, that's pretty cool. Okay, I'll watch him."

"We can drive you out there, and I can loan you some binoculars."

"It's okay man. I got mine with me."

"Agent Booth, why was Dr. Brennan at your place this morning." Sweets asked.

"I'm right here Dr. Sweets. I spent the night."

"You spent the night."

"Well yes. It seemed like the right thing at the time. Then Noel broke in and cooked us breakfast."

"I didn't break in. I used my key."

The three walked out and left Sweets with a pile of unasked questions.


	9. Chapter 9

The Bone Artist

Chapter NINE

ELM377 & Interest Me

"Dr Brennan, I found the same nick on the pedicle of this body, as on Melinda Jameson," said Fischer.

"Let see. This is the one that Angela has identified as Lester Lehman," said Brennan.

She bent over the skeleton to consolidate his findings. The torso of the skeleton curved over the table like a macabre rocking horse. Arms and legs were wired together in a graceful arc over the spine. The bow position.

"Yes, Lester Jonah Lehman," Fischer confirmed.

"Jonah? Good work Mr. Fischer. Ask Hodgins to swab for particulates. Perhaps he will find something that identifies the weapon."

She snapped off her gloves and strode off the platform.

Fischer tried to smile.

"Booth, the body we found before my father's trial was murdered in the same manner as Melinda Jameson." Brennan talked on her cell as she walked to her office.

"Angela ID'd him as Lester Lehman," Booth said.

"Yes. Lester Jonah Lehman."

"Ah the mysterious Jonah. Noel said that Melinda was having an affair with Jonah. Thanks Bones. Oh and thanks for looking after me last night."

"Of course, you would do the same for me right?"

Brennan reached her office to find Sweets hovering in the doorway.

"What drug you, undress you and put you to bed? Of course Bones. Anytime."

"I did not drug you and undress you. You drugged yourself Booth."

Sweet's black eyebrows jumped to his hairline.

"Hey I'm not complaining, but maybe next time you could massage the old back as well."

Brennan smiled at his chuckle down the phone. "Ok, I have to go. Sweets is waiting."

"Dr. Sweets, what are you doing here?" Brennan asked.

"I completed a profile on the murderer, and it fits with what I have observed from Robert Jameson's personality." He handed Brennan a glossy dossier.

"Thanks Dr. Sweets. Now we need a murder weapon."

"Focus your search on the man's personal items. He is likely to be extremely private and meticulous about his belongings. I surmise the murder weapon is something he uses every day. It may have deep significance to him. Melinda was murdered in a frenzy of escalated rage. I would even go so far as to suggest he thinks cleansed her soul for abdication."

"Interesting. Thanks Dr Sweets."

He turned to leave. "Uh Dr Brennan, is it normal for you and Agent Booth to have sleepovers?"

"Dr. Sweets we are not teenagers. We do not have sleepovers. He has on occasion slept over at my place, but it was the first time I slept at his. Why?"

"No reason. Professional curiosity that's all, in the spirit of research."

Angela waltzed into Brennan's office with her rendering of Lester Lehman.

"Sweetie, now I'm not a genius but I would say that is a match."

"Correct. Good work Ang. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now spill the beans on your night of unbridled passion with the FBI stud." She leaned her elbows on the desk and stared at Brennan, eyebrows raised.

"What? There was no passion. Booth hurt his back."

"Oh no. So I guess tonight will be the lucky night huh?"

"Lucky night for what?" asked Booth from the doorway.

The two women stared at one another, and Angela unwillingly slunk to the door.

"How is your back Booth?"

"What were you two talking about Bones?"

"Angela asked me how my night with you was?"

Booth hastily cleared his throat, "Oh."

"So we identified Jonah as the first murder victim, and have established that Melinda Jameson was having an affair with him. Did you get the warrant?"

"Yes, search teams are on their way. "

Fischer knocked the glass of Brennan's door. "Dr Brennan?"

"Yes Mr. Fischer?"

"I was thinking about the significance of the pose the first victim was placed in. The posture is the dhanura-asana, dhanur meaning bow. The asana is named because the body mimics a bow with its string pulled back to shoot an arrow. I think the murderer was warning Melinda, with the juxtaposition of the body as a weapon, posed to point at her next, as punishment for her affair."

"What did he say Bones?"

"Mr. Fischer very eloquently gave us a motive for murder Booth."

Fisher tested his smiling muscles.

Brennan popped a fry in her mouth. "How is your back today?"

"Still sore. You nearly killed me."

"It's your own fault. The class was too advanced, and you were too proud to admit it."

"It was not too advanced. I am a man I can adapt to any situation."

"You didn't adapt very well when that 11-year-old girl tried to offer you some effective pointers."

"She was eleven what does she know? Do you trust everything that comes out of Sweet's mouth? He's 12."

"Well, if Sweet's ever folds his ankle behind his neck, and then successfully straightens up, I will take his advice on how to untangle myself."

"Sweets can't do that."

"Well, apparently, neither can you."

"What are we talking about?" Noel asked as he slid next to Booth and swiped one of Brennan's Fries.

"What are you doing here?" Booth asked.

"Well, I was watching the subject when he exited the common building. He had this chic with him, so I figured she wanted a private lesson." Noel stopped talking and stared at Brennan. Booth snapped fingers in his face.

"Yeah, so I snuck into the back of his van and hid under a blanket. One of those cool hand-woven Southwestern jobs. Anyway, Jameson and this chic get in the van, and I can't see, so I peek. She looked a lot like you Bones, except you have better," Noel's hands made circular motions in front of his chest. "You know."

"Stop calling her Bones."

"So, they practically rolled on me at one point, and I thought the jig was , the chick got out, and Jameson drove us back to the center. No wait, first he stopped for a while, and loaded what smelled like gas cans into the van. He took them into the Center with him, and here I am." He smiled at Brennan.

Her phone beeped. "Hodgins has identified the murder weapon and matched particulates from both sets of remains."

"Great - what is it?" Booth asked

"A ceremonial dagger that was recovered from Jameson's retreat."

"Hey, I know that dagger," Noel said.

"Back up to the gas cans," Booth said.

"Yeah, it's weird man. You'd think he'd at least use bio-diesel"

"He's going to burn the place. Let's go kick Yoda's a$$"

"Who is Yoda?" Brennan asked.

"Jameson," Booth answered.

"No, I mean who is Yoda?"

"Little green creature, big ears? You are seriously telling me you don't know who Yoda is?"

"No."

"That little green dude kind of gives me the creeps. I don't like his voice."

"Ok, when the case is over you can come over to watch the DVD."

"Thanks man."

"I was talking to Bones."

"Cool, the more the merrier," he swept his eyes over Brennan.

They exited the diner, Brennan and Booth shoving shoulders through the doorway. Noel followed, munching a handful of Brennan's French fries.

"I have a bad feeling about this man. FBI and arson never go good together." He shoved in another fry.


	10. Chapter 10

The Bone Artist

Chapter TEN

ELM377 & Interest Me

Stephanie held her breath. Bobby and that sleazy girl were rolling around above her. Lint tickled her nose, but she didn't dare flick it away. She thought she'd been caught when Bobby folded the seats flat. She squeezed her eyes and pretended she was somewhere else.

Her legs cramped as she lay under the seats. The blanket that shrouded her smelled like feet. She and Bobby would look back on this day as special. She imagined snuggling in his arms in front of a fireplace and relating the incident to him. How he would be touched by what she went through just to be alone with him. He would feel guilty about that cheap whore he brought to the truck.

He would squeeze her and whisper that he was sorry it took so long to realize the spiritual and psychic connection they shared. Oh, she would forgive him. She would reassure him it was all in the past. Grandly, she would never even mention the restraining order. What was it Jesus said? He knows not what he does?

That's all. He just doesn't know yet. Tonight, she would convince him.

The sounds above her stopped. Her shoulders relaxed. That woman was nothing more than a toy for him to play with, to pass the time until she and Bobby could be together. Stephanie exhaled when the door slammed.

She heard Bobby enter the front seat and turn the engine. He was alone, she could feel it. Joy expanded her chest, and she meditated to her heartbeats' percussive song in her ears. Love. She experienced the truest, most painful love she had ever imagined. Bobby would be hers soon.

The car door startled her. Had she fallen asleep? She tugged the rancid blanket tightly around her and imagined the blanket was Bobby's arms. Deep in her fantasy, she barely noticed the gasoline fumes until they accumulated in her head and thudded for attention.

Tires squealed, and carpet bit her arms when the truck stopped. She held still as Bobby opened the back and grabbed the gas cans. The deep thrum of the full cans was unmistakable. After a few minutes, she peeked outside and saw the Center. Oh, perfection. Fate, the planets, the universe arranged the perfect setting for her to declare her love.

She snapped her head down when the truck door opened. The impact of the closing door whiffed through her. She glanced out the window. Who was the dark haired man running from the truck? A light radiated from a Center window. She forgot the strange man, and exited the truck to unite with her true love.

Brennan's body pressed the door and pulled against her seatbelt as Booth shot through a sharp curve. Booth was calling for back-up as they raced to the Center.

"It's not logical Booth. What does he have to gain by burning down the center?"

"We're talking crazy killer Bones, not logical scientist."

"Yeah, that guy is three beans shy of a cleansing."

"Who let him in here?" Booth demanded.

"Well I certainly didn't. Noel, what are you doing here?"

Noel slipped his last fry in his mouth.

"This is probably a good time for us to concentrate on The Flow that will bind us as a team. You know, change can be stressful"

"Hey, Mung Boy, we are not a team."

"Whoa, you invited me in. I ran surveillance for you."

"That's true Booth, you did bring him on the team."

"We are not a team!"

"Bones is right Booth. We're gonna get the bad guy."

"Stop calling her Bones."

"Why do you object to him calling me Bones? You do."

"Because I call you Bones. That's my special name for you."

"It's not even like it's all that original man. The hot doctor works with bones; it's not a huge leap dude. I'm sure other people have called her Bones. Haven't they?"

"There have been a few people that called me Bones."

"See Dude, told ya."

"But I put an end to it immediately."

"Then why do you let the cop call you Bones?"

"He just won't stop."

"Bones, do you really want me to stop calling you Bones?"

"Well at this point, I've come to identify with the name, at least from you."

"So, like what should I call you then?" asked Noel.

"Dr. Brennan, of course."

"I don't know, now that we're a team, that seems pretty formal."

"We are not a team," Booth insisted.

Noel flew from his seat and hit the floor when Booth negotiated a hard right.

"Ouch!"

"Take it as a sign from the Universe to shut-up, Bean Boy."

Stephanie's bare feet slapped along the dark hallway, as she headed for the wedge of light spilling from a room.

"Bobby?"

Jameson's head popped into view then retreated.

"Stephanie, you've been warned about showing up here."

"Bobby, I just want to talk to you. I think we've had a misunderstanding, and we can work it out."

She peered into the room, but didn't see Jameson. She stepped in, and Bobby grabbed her from behind and pulled her against him. She laid her hands on his arm and smiled.

"I knew you cared Bobby. It was Melinda who was in the way."

"Shut-up."

He pulled Stephanie across the room and grabbed a gas can. Fumes poisoned the air as the plush carpet drank the gasoline. Jameson zigzagged through the room, pouring the noxious fluid and dragging Stephanie with him.

"You know, I'm glad you're here Steph."

"I'm glad too Bobby."

"I'm pretty sure we're glad for different reasons. You're a bargaining chip that's going to get me out of trouble."

"I'd do anything for you. Are you in trouble?"

"Sit down," he shoved her in a chair.  
She watched as he grabbed another gas can and swung his arms to splash the walls. The fumes swirled around her, and her brain swirled with them. Jameson grabbed a pilate and wrapped it around her and the chair. Her sight spun with each loop of the band. Jameson pulled tight, removing all elasticity.

Stephanie's vision darkened as she took shallow breaths, which was all her binding would allow. Her vision turned red and spotty, but then she realized that lights outside were flashing into the window.

Booth watched through binocular lenses, as Jameson emptied the cans. The night air flashed red as back-up arrived. Booth exited the SUV and updated the agents on the situation.

"Agent Booth," an underling yelled and handed Booth his binoculars. Jameson dragged a woman into view.

"This has become a hostage situation," Booth announced.

"Call a negotiator. Can we establish contact?"

Booth stuck his head into the SUV.

"Noel, what is the phone number for the Center?"

Booth dialed as Noel rattled off the number.

"Non-Vegans welcome, Healthy Foods, how may I help you?"

Booth snapped his phone closed.

"Noel!"

"Oh, sorry, sorry, I always get those confused."

Noel offered another phone number, and this one connected with Jameson.

"Mr. Jameson, this is Agent Booth. Remember, we met at FBI headquarters."

"No, I don't recall."

"Sure, you met me and my partner Dr. Brennan. We discussed your wife."

"Don't patronize me Agent Booth, of course I remember. We aren't buddies, so let's get down to business."

"What business is that Mr. Jameson?"

"Leave me alone. Don't interfere with my marriage. None of this was ever any of your business."

"I'm sorry, I don't follow. What is none of our business? We haven't charged you with anything at all."

"No, you haven't charged me, but that leads to the question: What are you doing here with reinforcements? You've been watching me. It's none of your business if me my wife and I are getting along, or if Melinda was having an affair."

"Yes, that's true. A man shouldn't interfere with another man's marriage. I may have crossed a line. But nothing bad has happened. Come out and we'll discuss it."

"Sure, I'll be right out. This is religious persecution. Remember how Waco turned out."

"I have nothing against your religion. I even took a Yoga class. Come out before something bad happens."

"Do you see that woman tied to a chair?"

"I see her."

"I have a restraining order on her, and she broke it. Now, if you let me escape punishment, I will let her escape punishment."

"What punishment, Mr. Jameson? We haven't charged you with a crime."

"Leave now, and nothing will happen."

"Do you think we can leave?"

"Do you think I won't set her on fire?" Jameson hung up.

Booth hit redial, but flames danced in the window. Noel jumped out of the SUV and ran through the Center's doors. Booth's men followed.

"Idiot!" Booth yelled after Noel.

Noel watched Jameson exit the room and run down the hall. Officers caught up to Noel, and he directed them toward Jameson. Stephanie squirmed in her bindings and the flames danced in a circle around her. Noel pushed his left toes against his right heel to remove his shoe.

Booth reached him as he removed his second shoe.

"What are you doing?"

"It's just like walking on hot coals dude. I'm saving the girl."

Noel ran into the room and dragged the chair into the hall. He and Booth scraped the chair through the hallway and out the exit. Brennan was waiting, and she cut Stephanie loose, and examined her for injuries.

"How are your feet?" Booth asked.

"Wow, she's pretty, "Noel answered staring at Stephanie.

"Noel," Booth snapped his fingers.

Stephanie approached Noel, "It's like a fairytale. You saved me from the fiery dragon."

"Cool," was all Noel said.

"Does that make me your princess and you my knight in shining armor?"

"Sure, like as long as the armor is made of organic cotton."

Booth walked away from the new couple, shaking his head. He called the agents out of the building.

"Come on out boys," he radioed, "The fire is spreading."

Booth entered his SUV with Brennan, Noel and Stephanie and watched the fire.

"Booth, where is he?" Brennan asked.

"We're watching the perimeter, Bones. He's still inside."

"Well that's crazy."

"Exactly."

"Yeah, I told you the guy was scrambled in the brain," Noel added

"He was just misunderstood," Stephanie said.

"Did you understand him, Stephanie?" Brennan asked.

"Yes, we had a special connection. He didn't exist on an ordinary plane like the rest of us."

"I see," Brennan said.

"Really?" Booth whispered,

Brennan shook her head.

Flames, police lights, and spotlights lit the night brighter than day. Heat from the fire raised the temperature inside the SUV. Brennan and Booth silently watched the building as Stephanie and Noel discussed the intricacies of restraining orders and court appearances.

"They can only restrain the physical, but nothing can stop our spirits from reaching out to another human," Stephanie said.

"Exactly, but I'd rather reach out with the physical." Noel said.

"So Noel, what do you do?"

"I manufacture hemp products and run surveillance for the FBI."

"Oh, you work for the government."

"Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but I'm freelance. I can turn down any job for any reason."

"I see. On reflection, I suppose that could work well. Perhaps you're paying penance for miscarriages of justice in law enforcement in a past life."

"I think you could be right. Maybe I'm just working out some bad Karma, and that's why people don't get too close to me."

A fire ball exploded in the sky, the foursome covered their ears and squeezed their eyes shut. Stephanie buried her face in Noel's chest. He wrapped his arms around her and stared at the explosion.

"Now, that is some bad Karma man."


	11. Chapter 11

The Bone Artist

Chapter Eleven

ELM377 & Interest Me

Fischer stood in the smoldering ruins of the yoga center. Cinereal ash dusted every surface and the air was pungent. Smoke stung his nostrils.

"I can only stand and philosophize the karmic balance that has reduced this lying, murderous philanderer to the very fate he bestowed upon others."

Fischer contemplated the position of Jameson before him. Sitting, pink and black flesh contracted into the lotus position, teeth bared. A gold wedding band glinted through the soot.

"Yeah man, pretty apt huh?" replied Hodgins scraping larvae off glistening bone.

"Confucius said 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.' "

"Dude, that is pretty philosophical."

"I just find the symbiosis of this crime very comforting, a full circle."

"Kind of like what goes around, comes around right?"

"Exactly, my friend. I think I am going to be very cautious around Valerie in the future. She still has the pear you know?"

"Booth why is he green?" whispered Brennan, sneaking a hand into his popcorn.

"He just is Bones. He is unknown species."

"That's stupid – and look at his ears, and the way he speaks makes absolutely no sense whatsoever."

"Hang on, let me just call George Lucas. I'll ask him for you."

"There is no need to be snippy with me. I am asking rational questions. And who is George Lucas?"

"This is not a time to be rational – this is a film about an ancient galaxy, huge spaceships and men who fight with long beams of light Bones. Just enjoy it for what it is."

"Well you know what those long beams of light signify don't you? The egocentric male representation of a large p-"

"Shhhhhhhhhhh", Booth stuffed popcorn into her mouth.

"Dude you know she;s right – the size of the light sabre would be considered to be a symbol of male virility." Noel paused to stare at Brennan. "I myself am very virile."

"She doesn't care and you are spending way too much time at my place. I think it's time for you to spread your wings and fly. Our apprenticeship is ending."

"Noel isn't our apprentice Booth."

DING!

"But the brownies are ready dude."

"I'll get them," Stephanie jumped up.

"Oh good," Brennan said.

Booth shot her a look.

"What Booth, he makes excellent brownies."

"Yes Bones, in a way he is our apprentice. And its time he graduated now. I think he is ready don't you?"

There was silent communication between the partners.

"Young Padwan, go make your way in the big wide world and take Princess Leia with you."

"Alright but let me watch the end of the movie first."

The four settled back to eat brownies and be interrupted by Brennan every few minutes, as she injected logic where it seemed to be missing.

"Princess Leia, that is kinda funny. You can be my Luke Skywalker." said Stephanie, curling up next to Noel.

"Uh No Stephanie, don't you mean Han Solo? Believe me; I do not have any brotherly feelings towards you."

"Oh yeah, that's right, silly me."

"Booth who is Han Solo?"

"Bones, Harrison Ford - you know Indiana Jones?"

"Indiana Jones is in this movie?"

"No, but the actor who plays Indiana Jones is the actor playing Han Solo. How do you know who Indiana Jones is anyway?"

"Booth, everybody knows who Indiana Jones is."

"Right Bones. Are you sure it's not just because you have a thing for action men carrying whips?"

"Half this movie could be deleted with a DNA test."

"Bones!"

"Well Booth. The term Science Fiction is oxymoronic!"

"They didn't have DNA tests in ancient galaxies, far away" Booth said.

"That seems unlikely."

"Yeah, especially considering the Clone Wars that happened before this," Noel added helpfully.

"Oh yeah! That's right! And I know that in one of the books, they used Luke's severed hand to make an evil Luke. I wonder why they just didn't do DNA tests." Stephanie added.

Booth stared at the television and breathed in, and breathed out, and went to his comforting place where he could shoot all the annoying people. Next time he'd let her pick the movie.

The End!


End file.
